Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
