I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
