so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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