He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
