I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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