So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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