You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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