i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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