woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
