This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
