so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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