your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Damn victory sex feels great
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
