Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize