all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
