She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
