remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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