in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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