i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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