maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
