I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I need water and some morals
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
