we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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