She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
