How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
