Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
MIDGETS
????
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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