I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Actions speak louder than pants.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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