Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
