Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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