I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
