im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
