was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.