She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dating After Heartbreak
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon