Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.

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  (805): So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all. http://tfl.nu/imgn
  Replies (6) Good night (1786) Bad night (445)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse

  (914): View more from New York

  so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

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  (443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse (914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though http://tfl.nu/1ux5
  Replies (11) Good night (4251) Bad night (559)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich

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  (240): shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich http://tfl.nu/bipz
  Replies (78) Good night (2429) Bad night (989)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.

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  (713): I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here. http://tfl.nu/xixg
  Replies (20) Good night (5105) Bad night (828)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous

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  (303): if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous http://tfl.nu/li9c
  Replies (19) Good night (7404) Bad night (651)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore

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  (541): I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore http://tfl.nu/6v6s
  Replies (10) Good night (4845) Bad night (591)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.

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  (801): She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous. http://tfl.nu/mgxb
  Replies (5) Good night (4562) Bad night (936)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."

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  (330): Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control." http://tfl.nu/dz9s
  Replies (12) Good night (1638) Bad night (552)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before

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  (480): I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before http://tfl.nu/7hf6
  Replies (12) Good night (838) Bad night (1587)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.

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  (419): The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child. http://tfl.nu/ltf5
  Replies (17) Good night (813) Bad night (2362)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.

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  (303): Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking. http://tfl.nu/0bij
  Replies (4) Good night (1672) Bad night (477)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."

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  (773): I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye." http://tfl.nu/jcze
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (558)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.

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  (612): I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck. http://tfl.nu/k122
  Replies (5) Good night (684) Bad night (319)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.

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  (+44): Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms. http://tfl.nu/2jzl
  Replies (7) Good night (580) Bad night (196)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on

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  (775): He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on http://tfl.nu/rn16
  Replies (7) Good night (524) Bad night (210)

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