Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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