the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
