I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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