I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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