Someone shit on the floor
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
