I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
