What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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