her vagine was all disorganized.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
