So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
