Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
