Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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