I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
