My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
