Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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