woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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