sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize