Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
