3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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