its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
