I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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