Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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