there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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