I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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