I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
