forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
