Moan for me like Helen Keller
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
