I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now