i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
