yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dating After Heartbreak
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.