You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.