he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas