I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not