his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
