dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
